The Nearing

High school is almost complete. I am a senior, prepared to graduate in approximately three months, but not before AP and IB testing. I have spent too long with the same people (some of my fellow seniors have been with me since second or third grade), and I am more than ready to leave it all behind.

All my life I’ve felt stuck. When I was a young child, I felt stuck in my small town (how ironic it is now that I long to return), when I was in middle school, I felt stuck with my lack of friends and nowhere to run, and now, in high school, I’m still stuck with no friends and still headed towards being stuck again. The college I am attending is the same one as my older brother, who also attended the same high school. Living in his shadow hasn’t been good for me, but it is still like a sort of security blanket. Although I feel trapped where I am, I still fear change. What a perfect combination. In any case, I’m on track to slipping underneath his shadow once again. I just hope that college life is broad enough to lend me some semblance of anonymity.

The day I graduate creeps ever closer, and I long to be standing in the back of the center where it is held every year in my cap and gown, diploma in hand, smiling and almost laughing at those who are dispensing hugs and tearful goodbyes. That’s how it was the last time I left a school, and seeing it from where I stand, it is funny. Years from now, most of these people will be a passing memory. A FaceBook friend you’d forgotten about for a while now and decided to catch up with on a whim. No one important. All of the high school relationships seem frivolous and paltry. I ask myself why these people seem to care so much. Why does this school matter? Why do these people matter? We’re all moving on in a physical sense, and it only makes sense to me to move on mentally as well. Leave it all behind. At least for me.

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Author: Makkel

I am a dabbler in most everything, including writing, drawing, blacksmithing, crafting, you name it.

One thought on “The Nearing”

  1. I know the feeling of being stuck and I absolutely know the feeling of fearing change–and sometimes having friends turns into an existential crisis like, do I trust these people? Do they care about me? And if they don’t, why are we all just constantly pretending? I wish you ease in leaving it behind and good luck in your future. Don’t let fear stop you.

    Like

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